Sunday, January 10, 2010

IVF Meds are making my recovery not so EASY

Today, I am on my 9th night of "LOOPY" lupron and 1st night of 225ul of Follicstim. The side effects are headache(Check) and moodiness. I am getting very irritable and cranky for no reason, I don't like the way I feel. My husband is unhappy and supportive but it is not easy on him. When he did IVF with his EX , he was not involded at all and was just a "Sperm donor", they should never have had been married. But, B"H they have together 2 wonderful boys! Anyhow my husband was a into porn, as an addict and gave his X wife little to no attention during her IVF. He is B"H the oppsite with me and very understanding and trying to not get upset with my IVF meds Moody outbursts. I can admit that with this past year of therpy, I have some control for my Moody outburst but not fully. I know he hated what his X wife was like during her IVF and he turned to porn. We have a better realtionship then is previous marrige and he says that unlike his X wife , I don't hold my feelings in but I share them with my husband and he finds it wonderful, I tell him when I am going to yell or cry or laugh, which is good but what if he can't take it and falls into a bad pattern. He has not acted out since May 2006, Why my crazy IVF meds makes me think that my moody actions will be a negative to his recoveries! Now, I am going to go!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Here for a Second!

Not much is new with me, I am a bit tired.  But excited to start my shots for IVF this week. I should have my Emybro's transfered by the end of the month! I have been doing Acupunture and really enjoy it, helps me relax and hope it helps me with my IVF.

Kol Tov for Now!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Gut Shabbos and Happy Hannukah

Today, I am just getting ready for Shabbos. Last night, my husband and I went to an OA meeting which beside my  Sanon groups, I hope to also attend the Overeaters meeting. Since Shabbat is close , I will not go into my food issues. But, want to talk about the closing of the meeting. The only man in the meeting was my husband and about 5 other women. At the closing everyone holds hands and says a serenity prayer which is a great prayer for all support groups, every person should TRY to live by it. Anyhow, I felt uncomfortable doing that for two reasons, Shomer Negiah and that my husband was holding hands during the pray with another woman and that triggered me to him maybe being trigged to act out negatively sexually. He said it was feeling sober and I should not worry, I am trying not too. :). Also, I was in Niddiah and holding his hand was not easy, during the pray- nerve recking. I think I will ask him if next time we are at OA meeting in that situation that we explain that we are frum and he does not touch other women and vice vera for me. For me, it is not a handshake that he is giving to another women, it is bonding to some level.  I would not want to hold another man's hand well I am doing the Serenity Prayer.

Here is a Yahoo Group I started for Orthodox Jewish Sex Addicts and their familes and friends- For Support!

A Gut Shabbos/Hanukkah!

-----------------Serenity Prayer-----------------------


Grant me the serenity,

To accept the things I cannot change;

The courage, to change the things that I can;

And the wisdom, to know the difference.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Being Green is not Easy!

Being in a marriage to a sex addict is not easy. I was cheated on by my x husband who should join SA. I have excused my current husband of cheating, one time about 2 months after we were married , I thought he was with a hooker and lost soberity. I convienced myself that when he called me by mistake and I heard a woman's voice and beeping that he was with a hooker but he was at work at a work station with a machine that beeps. Anyhow, I went ape poop on my husband and he even called his work and YES he was there! Anyhow, I suffer from ptsd from my previous realtionships. I go to a therapist who specialized in recovery with Sex addicts and their family members. Here is a link that you and your spouse could use in the recovery of your family  There is also S-Anon a verison of SA. .  I have found in my own personal recovery , that I have to work on the issue of  not excusing my husband. I have found that my support with group that is lead by my therapist and S-anon meeting along with therapist appts , that I am working the Steps of S-Anon. Step One - Powerless.  It feels great, but it is not overnight change!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

New To Blogging

Today is Dec, 6th , 2009

I have been married to a recovering sex addict for about 7 months now. My husband is a Frum guy for 10 years, who has been successful in his sex addict recovery program for now 3 and 1/2 years now, B"H and may he continue in good health. I will be writing more later, I am just starting out now. I'll tell you that I am in my early 30's , second time married and my husband is going  to be 40, 3rd marriage but was not in any recovery till the end of his last marriage. He has twin boys from his 2nd marriage and we are together going IVF process next month. We both moved from the midwest, he moved out here with his 2nd wife and we are staying here do to his kids. I grew up in a midwest college town and then after my divorce 10 years ago, I moved to the motor city area and became frum in 2004, left the Motown  area in May 2009. I met my currant husband " LostBoy" on a Jewish dating website about 13 months ago and we were marrid May 2009.  We live in the Pacific Northwest.  I will go into our story more later. The reason I started this blog is to connect with other frum women who are going though what I am being married to a Sex Addict. I am in a support group of about 8 partners/family members of SA. I enjoy the group but have a need to connect with frum women. I talked to my husband and I am posting his blog URL up to help you and your husbands. May, I continue to write this with my feelings around living with a sex addict, and going though IVF, and being away from the midwest.

Kol Tov!